well you can't waste a boner
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
