My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
