I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The power of my boobs compel you
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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