69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
