Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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