Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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