He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize