Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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