She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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