I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
