oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
