so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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