Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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