sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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