Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
how drunk are you?
Several
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
