I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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