The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
