i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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