Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
