I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
