she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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