He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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