If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This couple is walking their pig around campus
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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