I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I could make wine with my vomit
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
