dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
