my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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