If that was your dad, he is hot
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
