he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
