even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
