Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
