I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
