Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
