There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
