Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
we're so committed to being not committed
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