so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
