I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize