Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
