I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
