Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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