I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
