Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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