:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
