The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
