So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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