I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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