What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
