ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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