My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
