dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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