There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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