is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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