shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
