Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
