Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
