She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
