Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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