you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
