Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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