a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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