i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
