He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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