I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
