i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
