He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
