Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
