a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
