whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
