So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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